I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
