oh god the rape fog is back!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Less talking, more tequila
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
