remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is classic penis vs brain.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
