Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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