I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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