I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ugly people sure do ruin things
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
