No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
