I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
