i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
