It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
