not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
