Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
