Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
