I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
