i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
