He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
