I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
