yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
