is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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