weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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