All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
