You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
