I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ketchup is God's man juice
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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