Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize