dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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