Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Alive.
So much puke
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
