What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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