Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
