Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
