Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
