I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
