I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
