Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
