If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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