I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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