soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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