I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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