The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
