Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
