My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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