If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
