God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
