Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
