READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
