Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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