Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So drunk its hurt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
