I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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