Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
third nipple confirmed
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
