I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
