But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
