Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
