I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
