Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
