I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
