Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
