this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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