btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
