Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
