he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
