I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
