I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
