ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize