i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
