I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
