I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Drake has all the answers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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