Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
These tits shall not be calmed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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