did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize