at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
