last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
