I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
