they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
