Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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