So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
