Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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