I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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