It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
